How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
