I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
