I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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