So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
