and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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