I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
