plz talk dirty to me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
