remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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