I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
