do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Non-Jews are for practice
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
