I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
