mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
