if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
