Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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