'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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