I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
