this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.