I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
