oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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