I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
