hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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