You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How external is "for external use only"?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
