He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
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Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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