Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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