Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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