I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
