Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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