he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
