Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize