you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
