when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
