i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
