I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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