i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
