Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize