HIV tests are more positive than that guy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
