idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
