names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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