Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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