She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
