I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
