He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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