Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
