She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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