We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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