I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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