He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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