And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
