Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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