matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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