holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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