Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
