you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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