update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
