I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
