My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
