he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
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I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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