I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
