i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
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sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..