My liver just broke up with me...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.