Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?

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  (516): Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom? http://tfl.nu/hpn8
  Replies (31) Good night (1245) Bad night (6010)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

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  (315): Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now. http://tfl.nu/rvu6
  Replies (10) Good night (4060) Bad night (913)
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  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

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  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (6356) Bad night (998)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?

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  (239): Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls? http://tfl.nu/pmwm
  Replies (11) Good night (5021) Bad night (860)
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  (+63): View more from

  Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.

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  (+63): Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper. http://tfl.nu/zjj7
  Replies (3) Good night (1707) Bad night (702)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL

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  (260): THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL http://tfl.nu/le0h
  Replies (6) Good night (3015) Bad night (673)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.

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  (414): I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting. http://tfl.nu/tfdu
  Replies (3) Good night (2398) Bad night (718)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave

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  (608): not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave http://tfl.nu/ay74
  Replies (5) Good night (1775) Bad night (692)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.

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  (202): His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together. http://tfl.nu/je6r
  Replies (8) Good night (1339) Bad night (553)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.

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  (505): I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome. http://tfl.nu/rp6m
  Replies (5) Good night (1026) Bad night (261)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?

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  (336): Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex? http://tfl.nu/6zbe
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (453)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.

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  (678): You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes. http://tfl.nu/g0jp
  Replies (1) Good night (369) Bad night (612)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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  (215): i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out http://tfl.nu/4dk0
  Replies (13) Good night (627) Bad night (915)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.

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  (330): I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight. http://tfl.nu/cgn4
  Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (167)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.

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  (508): It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming. http://tfl.nu/nix9
  Replies (7) Good night (144) Bad night (326)

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