Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your cock deserves a montage
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
