I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies