Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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