So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!