I looked at my own cervix.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
