It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one