I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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