So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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