i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
