Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
