I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Never joke about your clitoris.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize