u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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