If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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