Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
