How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
