no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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