Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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