capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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