another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
