we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
