I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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